Macaca'd!

Not really germane to NASCAR at all, but noteworthy. OK, why is this buried deep on the CNN frontpage (as of 8:15 CST)? The most important news story in the country right now is John Kerry being inarticulate? Yeah, that's really new and different. Call me crazy, but I think the fact that the cronies of a U.S. senator in a tight race who happens to have a long history of bullying and alleged violence just publicly beat down a guy for asking a question at a campaign rally is a little more important.

Actually, there is a small NASCAR connection. George Allen was on MRN/PRN during second Richmond and (I think) both Martinsvilles, mass-communicatin' with his constituency and effusively praising both Denny Hamlin and Jeff Burton (and, I believe, also Ward B. at 2nd M'Ville). Uh, Senator? As a California native who's spent his whole career ingratiating himself into a traditionally Southern culture, isn't there another Nextel Cup driver you should feel more spiritually closer to?

Bass Pro Shops 500 WrapUp

random thoughts from TL East...

The Hendrick fratricide continues as Kyle Busch spins for no good reason and gets clipped by Vickers. I'll leave the comparisons between HMS and the Bush administration to TL West.

Jeff Gordon, despite problems with the 01 and the 26, pulls out a 6th place finish. Don't count the man out of the Chase just yet.

The 55 team had the coolest memorial ever for their fallen Jackman. As seen on the NBC telecast, it consisted of boots, helmet, and an upright jack positioned like a tribute to a fallen servicemember.

I might not have a graduate degree in race relations but I'm fairly certain that the latest McDonald's commercial hit the wall with African-Americans about as rough as Kasey Kahne at AMS. Let's just say the climactic line reads, "Where's my parfait, homey?" Makes me want to lace up my rollerblades and shoot some b-ball.

Speaking of commercials, I'm a big fan of Dodge's new campaign. Who doesn't like profanity from animated figures?

Speaking of Kahne, WTF?!? I know, I'm fighting for my Chase life, let's not pay attention to what's happening around me. Seriously, didn't he want to sweep the AMS races? (And make me look good)

Kenny Wallace is a danger to himself and others. The man needs to be put out to pasture where the only people he can hurt are his co-hosts on Trackside Live. I'll admit Martin was my sentimental favorite for the Chase, I've been a fan of his since the mid 90's... still, KW is a menace on the track. The only possible reason for him slowing up at that point was, and is, a complete lack of ability. Park it and spin your arm like a helicopter, jackass.

As much as I like Mark Martin, I realize that he'll never win a championship, especially at this point in his career. I know that he'll admit as much but I had faith in him until this week. The man has lost the confidence to be a truly elite driver. Sure it's fun beating up on the Truck Series guys, but the 6 seems to be stuck as a 10th-15th car in Nextel. And really, is there anyone else to blame when you get caught up in wrecks running back in the pack? Especially with solid Roush equipment. My hat's off to Mark for being a class act, but damnit, he just doesn't have the right stuff anymore.

RCR should be in crisis mode after this week... another blown engine (07 car), tire issues on the 31, crappy finish for the 29, and a 1 1/2 miler coming up.

Junior sure is a dumb redneck sometimes. That being said, he was brilliant in holding off Kenseth for 3rd place on old tires. If he can continue to match his talent (at times boundless) with solid decision making he's as good a pick to win this deal as anyone else.

Kudos to Robby Gordon for realizing he needed a caution to take a Top 10 finish.
No Kudos for being unable to avoid the NBC interviewer after the race (stay in the damn hauler!)
Kudos for maintaining plausible deniability after the NBC guys tracked him down and showed him multiple replays of a piece of rollbar padding flying out of his car on the backstretch ("Look, it's flying out the back so I MUST have run over it")

Finally, while not as on as TL West, I did pick 3 out of the Top 6. That's somethin' damnit...

"Even a straight man has the right to have good hair"

We wish we'd dug this up earlier, to be exact, right after the mayhem at Talladega, but this blog wasn't even around then, so it would have been kind of useless. Let's just be happy we have it at all, okay?



I don't know. Is Vickers really not down with the kids enough to not know about the Daily Show, or was he just paralyzed by the fear of offending the sponsors? Also, check out the 07 in Les Miz colors in the second half of the clip.

HOTLanta Race Recap

Well, sure does hurt so good being right. We here at Turning Left West called a) Kenseth finishing in the exact position that he actually did finish b) the 48 and the 8 finishing back to back, and pretty closely, too; we predicted a 1-2 finish, we got a 2-3. Close enough in our book c) a resurgent Greg Biffle d) Mark Martin and Kasey Kahne not winning, although we, admittedly, did not call them not winning by means of winding up in the wall. Here's something about Turning Left West: we are hardcore because we live hardcore.

That having been said, we also did not get to watch the race and instead had to settle for listening to it on PRN. We're over it, though, because in exchange we were treated to an exchange where largely maladroit historical allusions were all over the fucking place, and at TLW, that's what we're all about. Basically, First PRN Announcer suggested that Atlanta was Mark Martin's Waterloo. Um, I guess. Though I'm pretty sure that the fact that the 6 was put in the wall was the fault of Kenny Wallace and not the combined forces of Russia, Prussia, and the United Kingdom. But it got better - Second PRN Announcer decided to suggest that "Kasey Kahne's done worse at Atlanta tonight than General Sherman when he came here."

Not joking. That actually happened. But anyway, uh, wtf? General Sherman did fucking awesome in Atlanta. If Tony Stewart had got out front at like Lap 15, then led every single lap after that, then personally pistol-whipped the rest of the top 5 on pit road after the race, and then finally did a huge rail of coke off the hood of the 20 in Victory Lane - then the Sherman metaphor would have been apt. That having been said, all this leads us to believe that the boys at PRN have been reading them some Turning Left - after all, if you scroll down to the inaugural post, you'll see that confusing Civil War analogies are totally our shit.

And, finally, more craziness: our prediction is that something drastic and most likely horrible will happen over the next two weeks, and this will be what will decides the Chase. It'll be over and done by the time we get to Homestead. And here we're thinking Johnson but also possibly Earnhardt Jr. Whoever it is, something will happen, probably at Texas, that will turn grown men into incoherent, rage-filled morons and one of the top 5 Chasers into your next Nextel Cup champion. But then again, it's nothing more than a feeling that we got.

P.S. Nemechek in the top 10? Robby Gordon? WTF?

Predictions, Atlanta edition

Yeah, I got some predictions for y'all, too. OK, so I know that all season long Kasey Kahne has been making 1.5 tracks all over this great country of ours into his prison bitches, but I don't think he's going to make it happen this week. Texas, maybe, but not this week. Oh, he'll run good and he'll do it all day long, but I don't think he's going to seal the deal. I'm looking at the bottom 5 of the top 10 for the 9.

Actually, I don't know why, but I have an inexplicable hunch that someone weird's going to win tomorrow, like Biffle or Edwards or something. Or maybe someone's going to get themselves a first win, and here I'm thinking maybe Casey Mears but mostly Scott Riggs. He's had a few pretty decent runs at 1.5s this year, a couple poles. Yes, I'm aware that his average AMS finish is 19.5. But it's Halloween and it's allegedly the fastest track on the circuit, so anything can happen.

If nothing wacky goes down, then I'm going with Johnson. The 48 team is on a hell of a rebound tear lately, and while I don't think it's going to be enough to get them a championship, I still think he'll win at least once more this season. And Atlanta's as likely as anywhere, really. I'm going to have to disagree on the 24 and the 6, though: they're both fine teams and they'll both produce good runs, but I don't see either one pulling out the win. Junior might do it - the 8 team's looking solid these days, and if Junior can avoid doing something stupid, or something stupid being done to him, he might do it. Stewart, as you pointed out, will have a good run; also, look for the 31 to rally back after the M'Ville debacle of last week. In closing, ladies and gents, your top 5:

5. Martin
4. Kenseth
3. Burton
2. Junior
1. Johnson

Pre-race Top 5 - Bass Pro Shops 500

With qualifying rained out for Sunday's race all ten Chasers will be starting up front, which should make for some hot racing action. One can imagine Bill France and the folks at NBC were doing some kind of wicked rain dance, praying for this scenario. Atlanta's typically high speeds, combined with an ideal forecast, mean anything might happen in the championship standings, especially if an early accident befalls the lead pack. With that in mind here are my picks for this week's Top 5:

5. Tony Stewart - The Home Depot Chevrolet has rebounded well since narrowly missing the Chase. Under the old points system Tony would be in fifth place, albeit with a slim chance of bringing home the title. His nine Top 10's in the past ten races at AMS bode well for the 20 on Sunday, especially with the premium the team has put on winning races to end the season.

4. Jeff Gordon - Although the golden boy's mental state has deteriorated as quickly as his hopes for winning the Chase, being plugged into the ninth position on Sunday's grid might get the 24 back on track. In the March race at AMS Gordon drove from the 12th qualifying position to a fourth place finish and this time he'll have friends in the draft (Three Hendrick drivers start in the first five rows).

3. Jimmie Johnson - Hungry for his first Championship and thrust back into contention the Lowe's machine seems poised to make a run for the Chase lead. It helps that the cars surrounding the 48 on Sunday's grid are either going through tough times (RCR's 29 and 31 seem especially likely to have continued engine trouble on a track known for high speeds and relatively few cautions) or are erratic performers in Atlanta (Kenseth).

2. Mark Martin - The sentimental favorite to win the Chase, Martin might see the perpetual gloom surrounding his title hopes lifted in Atlanta, a track well suited to his style of racing. The AAA Ford Fusion will run up front all day, and might earn five bonus points for leading the most laps. However that won't be enough to stop...

1. Kasey Kahne - Look for the 6 and 9 cars to work together early and charge to the front of the lead pack. In the end, Kahne's confidence and Evernham engine will ease past Martin on the final green flag run and put his Dodge Charger in victory lane, duplicating Edwards AMS sweep of a year ago.

COT... NASCAR's final solution for overtaking the NFL?

It's no secret that the upcoming switch to the Car Of Tomorrow is causing quite a bit of controversy amongst the NASCAR community. Drivers complain that the new models simply won't pass while owners are being put in a bind having to develop two completely different car programs simultaneously (to say nothing of the inherent difficulty of developing six distinct aero and handling packages for short -track, restrictor-plate, and mile and a half tracks). The only consensus seems to be that the new vehicles are butt-ugly and nearly indistinguishable from manufacturer to manufacturer. Everyone seems to be asking why a switch is necessary.

While the officials in Daytona claim that the COT will ultimately open NASCAR competition by reducing the costs to run a team the causal observer has to ask why this is necessary. A quick glance at the point standings shows 30-35 teams with solid ownership/sponsorship with the remaining qualifying positions going to an assortment of has-been's and never-were's. Personally I believe the COT, in conjunction with the Chase, is NASCAR's bid to unseat the NFL as America's #1 spectator sport. Just look at the parallels...

1. Equal Resources
-The NFL has a salary cap that ensures each team has an equal amount of resources (players) with which to compete, regardless of initial entry costs.
-NASCAR's COT ensures that all teams will have an equal amount of car with which to compete, regardless of initial entry costs.

2. Put it in the personnel's hands
-The NFL strictly regulates the equipment, down to wristbands, that each player may use during competition. This ensures that the outcome of every game is determined by the skill of a team's players and the adjustments that coaches make during a game.
-NASCAR strictly regulates the equipment, via templates and inspections, that each team may use during competition. This ensures that the outcome of every race is determined by the skill of a team's drivers and the adjustments that crew chief's make during a game.

3. Any Given Sunday
-The NFL prides itself on any team winning any game, regardless of the competition (week 7: Eagles 21, Bucs 23).
-NASCAR's COT ensures that at any given race, any driver could win. Basically, there is a higher probability of a newer, unskilled driver winning a race using the COT.

4. High Income
-With revenue-sharing and competitive parity every owner in the NFL is virtually guaranteed to make money.
-With every car having an equal chance to win every owner in NASCAR has ample opportunity to secure enough sponsorship to drive profitability.

Given that NASCAR wants to supplant the NFL it's necessary to analyze the changes that the COT will bring to the sport. Three arguments would seem to undermine NASCAR's reasoning for the COT.

1. Big Name Talent
-Juan Pablo Montoya and A.J. Allmendinger will be driving Nextel Cup in 2007. NASCAR veterans Ward Burton and Bill Elliot may race full or partial schedules in 2007. As elite talent from other race series jumps to NASCAR and absorbs the few remaining qualifying positions the COT seems unnecessary to "level" the playing field.

2. The Market
-Regardless of the type of vehicles NASCAR decides to run, talented racers will rise to the top. Drivers are the lifeblood of NASCAR and those who have an ample supply of talent will garner Top-5's and Top-10's. These drivers will gain the support of casual NASCAR fans.

3. Product Dilution
-The more level the playing field, the higher the number of single race winners. The casual fan may not continue to tune in if there is a lack of dominant drivers. Unlike the NFL, where team loyalty is based largely on a fan's affiliation with a city, NASCAR relies on sponsor/driver affiliation. A lack of continuity in the Top-10 means a lack of recognizable faces for casual fans.

NASCAR is clearly on the wrong track with the COT. Adding a playoff system to keep fans interested during the NFL regular season was a stroke of genius, however, "closing" up the competition will not strip viewers from the NFL. If anything it will alienate hardcore NASCAR fans hungry for distinct vehicles and familiar faces.

Race-baiting: not just for Senate candidates anymore

Speed Channel reporter Ray Dunlap is suspended for taking a page from the George "Macaca" Allen school of public speaking - story here. Though none of the commie liberal gay PC America-hating elite MSM media will report what exactly Dunlap said, Turning Left has it in on somewhat good authority that it went something like this:

When Michael Waltrip said that "ten percent of the fans in the grandstands are Hispanic", citing a NASCAR study, Dunlap refuted it by saying that "you'll only see that number in Homestead, because they're all working there."

Good work, Ray. I mean, I guess you weren't babbling about "hablaing Espanol" and such, but still, good work.

Also, to the redneck on the message board that the above comes from: while it's obvious that the commie gay PC liberal elite does, in fact, "give so many rights to minorites that the majority slowly loses theirs," I'd just like to briefly point out that we may have a right to say inappropriate things in public, we do not, in fact, have a right to say inappropriate things on television and get paid for it. Though we here at Turning Left dream of having such a right every day.

Manufacturer hijinks

OK, so this is happening. I'm on board with the Dodge thing. The Charger stock car bears an at most passing resemblance to the actual, not very good-looking street car, though it manages to retain the un-good-looking-ness of its civilian cousin. Hopefully it won't take them a whole season to figure out the aerodynamics this time.

As for Chevy - yeah, I don't know who's happy about the demise of the Monte Carlo. But you know what: I'm here to look on the bright side. And the bright side of the advent of the Impala is this:
Yep. Sweet fucking rims, yo. The Impala's a solid G ride.

The above picture is said to be of Kyle Busch's test car, but this remains unsubstantiated as of press time.

Finally: they brought back the Charger. They're bringing back the Impala. What I want to know is - when are they bringing back the motherfucking Plymouth Superbird, the car designed to both work the draft at 'dega and evade Soviet air defenses?

Ragan blacklisted from Atlanta, life

Well, apparently NASCAR isn't allowing Roush wunderkind David Ragan to race at Atlanta this weekend, publicly claiming something about the licensing process, though I don't see why they don't just admit that it has more to do with the fact that drivers dying with a month left to go in the Chase isn't great for business. Seriously, though: Jack Roush, what the fuck? The only time to get this kid on the track is during the Chase? You do realize that you yourself have two cars in it, right? Why not just enter him into a California or Vegas race if you need to get him out onto 1.5s? Seriously. Atlanta during the Chase? Right. It's not like you haven't had time to think this through, seeing how Mark Martin's been retiring for like three years. And sending the poor young fucker into Martinsville, where everyone knows the racing is vicious and mercenary? I'm still somewhat surprised that he wasn't beaten profoundly and for a sustained period of time by Kenny Schrader. With the rear clip from what was left of the 21. Worst part was, Ragan's still too young to have bought himself a beer after it was all over.

"Yessir, the South's gonna change..."
- Ulysses Everett McGill, O Brother Where Art Thou


...and so will the demographics of stock-car racing. They already have. Something I was thinking about the other day: there hasn't been a Cup champion from the South since Bobby Labonte in 2000. That's a long time ago. Consider: the World Trade Center still stood then, and Dale Earnhardt was still alive (in fact, finishing second in points to Labonte that year); the U.S. had yet to acquire any real estate in the Islamic world, and Labonte himself was still more than five long years away from taking the track in those horrible, emasculating light blue and yellow Cheerios/Betty Crocker/Whatever colors so as to helm Petty Enterprises' slow, painful slide into obscurity. Not only that, but when you look at the three years of the Chase so far, the whole thing has been overwhelmingly Northern:

2004: Union - Kurt Busch (NV), Jimmie Johnson (CA), Jeff Gordon (IN/CA), Tony Stewart (IN), Ryan Newman (IN), Matt Kenseth (WI), and representing border slave-holding Kentucky, Jeremy Mayfield.
Confederate - Mark Martin (AR), Dale Earnhardt, Jr. (NC) and Elliott Sadler (VA).

2005 was more Yankee still: Union - Busch, Johnson, Stewart, Newman, Kenseth, Mayfield, and Greg Biffle (WA - not a state in 1865, but a Union territory nonetheless). '05 was also the year that the Missouri Compromise was in full effect with both Carl Edwards and Rusty Wallace in the Chase. Mark Martin was the only Southerner.

2006 is more balanced, but still leans Northern. Union - Kenseth, Johnson, Gordon, Kahne (WA), Harvick (CA), Kyle Busch (NV). Confederates - Martin, Junior, Jeff Burton (VA), Denny Hamlin (VA).

(Though, actually, I'd also make the case that Dale Earnhardt Jr. isn't really Southern anymore, in the sense that he's transcended regionalism. Kind of going back to what Baudrillard said about America being like a hologram in that every distinct piece also contains an image of the whole, Junior is America, and America is Junior.)

Humpy Wheeler (the real one) once said that a large part of Dale Earnhardt's popularity stemmed from the fact that he was, in many ways, the Last Confederate Soldier. Can we say this also about the Yankee stockers of today? Maybe. I mean, if you slap one of these mustaches on Biffle, he'd probably look right at home in some regiment or other on Little Round Top. Stewart of Indiana vs. Stuart of Virginia? Kenseth at Kennesaw?

And more importantly, what does this all mean? I don't know. Maybe nothing. Hell, next year, Juan Pablo Montoya's coming to Cup from somewhere far more south than any of the boys in the Show right now. Or maybe I'm saying that maybe some time in the not too distant future, the mythical NASCAR Dad will start caring about more than God, Gays, and Guns - after all, that all this is happening simultaneously with what seems to be the collapse of Southern religious conservatism can't be a coincidence.

More germane to the sport of stock car racing, though, maybe it's a sign that the sport is changing too; everyone knows that the corporate side of NASCAR wants it to, and let's face it, what NASCAR corporate wants, they get. Always have. I don't know, it might even mean maybe this Drive for Diversity deal, however craven it might be - and it is that - might yet work, and that there may yet come a day when we can do more than dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together - and watch Travis Kvapil hit the wall coming out of turn 4 at AMS.