Other thoughts from the 500

Unlike the technologically advanced staff over at TL West, we here at TL East are still stuck in the dark ages, having to put pen to paper to record our thoughts as the Daytona 500 ran last Sunday. In roughly chronological order are our scribblings on the day’s broadcast.

-Kurt Busch really is a grinding douchbag. What’s the fucking point of racing Stewart for the lead with the majority of the race to still be run!?! I’d imagine that Kurt would mention something about how those five bonus points for leading the most laps are ab-so-lutely vital in the Race for the Chase. Right.

-Is there a Dodge resurgence happening. Especially Ryan Newman… after spending 2006 looking fat and sucking at everything, including that Gillette Young Guns commercial, he’s actually riding around near the front. (The final results were a bit of a mixed bag for Dodge. Four cars in the Top-15, Formula One import Montoya in 19^th place, and four of the final seven finishers. As for the #12 Alltel Dodge, its engine cut out on lap 175. Also, was that a new paint job?)

-Montoya is reporting his car to be “silly tight.” Regardless of where he finishes, TL East thinks he’ll be alright.

-God Bless green flag pit stops.

-DW: Toyota’s are made up in Georgetown, Kentucky.
MJ: That’s why they say foreign nameplate… global economy, that’s where we are.

-MJ: Like a squatter at a fire the #2 has company and it’s not all friendly. (a particularly redeeming comment in light of the above exchange)

-WIDOMV – Kenseth’s wife = hot. Fear for Newman’s wife’s safety
(I was somewhere between my 7^th and 8^th Milwaukee’s Best Light when I wrote this line, verbatim. No, I don’t know what the acronym stands for.)

-JJ fucks everybody up.

-#26 crashes. Damn. 1,8,26,88 all caught up. I really don’t know what McMurray’s problem is but he needs to put a lid on this kind of nonsense.

Next thing I know a few million dollars of racecar was torn up, along with the hopes and dreams detailed in the preceding post. Well, one way to get over that is to review a few of the new commercials out for Daytona. Another way would be jacking it furiously over the pretty lady from last year’s Prilosec ads but unfortunately hours of searching have turned up, well, jack.

-Best Ad: Kasey Kahne’s Allstate Flashback spot. Great idea, great execution. TL West is partial to the gal riding shotgun but we here at TL East believe that the lady in the driver’s seat is simply “tits”. Also, she’s way more rarin’ to go as evidenced by her offer to do quote-unquote “anything”. Actually, from the way shotgun gal shifts her eyes at this I think they might want Kasey to run a train on them…

-Ad best showing the effects of a three day, crank-fueled NASCAR binge: Oreo Yum, Yum, Yum. Frankly this is a sign that rehab, if not prison, are in your immediate future.

-Ad most deftly demonstrating that Tony Raines is a moron: The DLS commercial. It is just me or are you reminded of Steinbeck’s “Of Mice and Men” whenever this comes on? Raines and his crew chief are proportionally equivalent to George and Lennie. And the dialogue… “Different..? Whoa!”

-Ad proving TL West’s assertion that all the teams found a huge redneck to work as a jackman: UPS’s Tire Carrier.